Life goes on!.........

I know...you are probably wondering why I've started this blogpost off with a photo of the Twin Towers on that fateful day almost 11 years ago??? Well here's a test for you(once a teacher, always a teacher!) , and I bet most people pass with flying colours! WHERE were you at the exact moment the first plane struck the first tower? It's one of those memories you'll never forget! That day is etched in most of our minds for obvious reasons. But what has that got to do with my cancer blog? Only a few of you know the answer to that!They'll get a gold star each for being swats!! The answer is : on 11th September 2001, I was hooked up to an IV in a hospital bed, wearing a "coldcap", receiving my first ever chemotherapy! In the room I was lucky enough to have a TV. Robert was flicking through the Greek channels to find anything worth watching.As he happened on a recognisable American scene, he paused. At first  we thought we were watching a movie..I guess we all did! But it soon became apparent, we were watching the second plane, crashing into the second tower and that it was LIVE coverage!! The rest is history........
I'm starting with this image, because what happened that day was completely devastating the world over. My having just discovered 2 weeks previously, that I had breast cancer, and following surgery, was now embarking on a course of chemo, was no less horrendous for us and our friends and family, but of course there is NO comparison. To me the image is symbolic of how terrible events are happening all over the world, every second of every day, but that there are also people like me with terminal illness fighting for their lives for their  partners, their children, their extended family, their friends every second of that same day. My point is that before, during and after these events Life must go on! I suppose that's why I chose this image, which views the Towers from a distance and has The Statue of Liberty in the foreground.She is the ultimate symbol of Life and the Force that runs through each and every one of us!

Cancer is life-changing. That seems like an unnecessary statement, but until it happens to you or someone you love ,those words have no real significance! I am going to try to explain how it affected me, my husband, my children, my close friends in a way that can only be understood by those who have lived it, day to day or week to week, month to month, but that somehow amongst all the fear and the anger, the frustration , the confusion, let alone the pain and the discomfort of multiple treatments, I/we have managed to maintain our optimism.It may seem to some like a form of denial, but it is a coping mechanism that has worked thus far.Life goes on!

Jacqui

I miss my old life! There, I've said it! I was a party girl!Ask anyone who knows me! I was the first up on the dancefloor, the karaoke AND dancing queen rolled into one! My party piece was a Cossack dance...the real deal!(You know , only one foot on the ground.)Hell, I could do a full lotus !I was physically really strong. I lifted furniture,climbed ladders, painted the house, stripped and varnished chairs and tables. Robert would joke that I could leave the retiling of the roof till later, if I needed a break! I was sporty...I played golf and tennis (not that well,but with oodles of enthusiasm!) , I worked out ,and my most beloved sport was skiing! I can't do any of those things any more. If I did I could break bones and cause myself weeks of pain!It isn't because of getting older, look at what Madonna can still do! It's just too risky now for me! Well ok...the karaoke I could still manage, but Robert has banned that in this house, and anyway,with a professional singer as a son it is considered the height of "cheese"!(Gem, can we go to one of those karaoke booths when I come to London?) To be honest I'm not really feeling the Cossack dance anyway at the moment. Since I feel grotty and fatigued for half of every year I'm just not up to doing those black runs either , even though there is nothing I would love to do more!
Cancer has changed my physical life in innumerable ways and this , in turn, leads to a change in one's philosophy of life. No. I'm NOT who I was even 5 years ago. There is a constant cloud hanging over my baldy head, because even when I'm "on a break" from treatments, I still have the worry of Tumour Marker Tests, CT scans, MRIs, bone scans etc. every month or so. I haven't been away from the hospital for more than 4 weeks in the last 5 years. THAT changes a person!
BUT.......and its a big BUT, I have used everything in my personal strength arsenal to combat the total invasion of cancer in my everyday life. Somehow, I believe ,that Life force I talked about, kicks in, when it's most needed and imbues even the smallest of pleasures with the ability to make me forget that I can't ski or cossack dance any more, but,what the hell.... Carpe Diem.!...I'm still here to write this blog!!!


To be continued.......................................................................