You are not Alone

Hi Everyone, Gemma here.

So there’s a TV show on in the UK right now called “The Voice”  and I’ve just finished watching tonight’s show and felt I wanted to share a few thoughts. The final artist performing was a girl called Bo who sang Kate Bush’s “Running up that Hill”. Link to "Running up that Hill" Original Video

They said her mother is very sick right now and so the song had a particular resonance for her because it’s about wanting to make a deal with God to swap places with the person that is suffering.

I know that I said in my first ever post that going through this experience (for the patient and for their family) isn’t always a sad, morose affair and that you can find moments of lightness and laughter that lift your mood and ultimately I believe that those moments can also help a person’s recovery. However, it would be mad not to mention that there are dark moments. For anyone touched by this disease. I am not afraid to say I cried my way through that performance. Sobbed my heart out. I felt her pain and I wish with all my being that I could take my mum’s place and save her from all this suffering.  I often feel really helpless and guilty. I wish I could do more.

My mum is my best friend. She is the person I consult and want to continue to consult for advice when I’m making all of life’s major decisions; buying my first home, choosing a wedding dress,  having babies,  wearing red or pink lipstick(!). I know she is scared as hell about not being around for these milestones in the future in mine and my brother’s lives and I can’t bear to think about the possibility, but it’s a reality that I may have to face. I get on with my day to day life in a city in another country that’s many miles away from my mum and most of the time I don’t think about it, but like tonight, sometimes, unexpectedly something strikes a chord and catches me by surprise and next thing I know I’m in tears. Like my mum said in an earlier post, life goes on, you have to find a way to live with this on a day to day basis. Mum’s found her ways to cope (I have absolutely no idea how, but she’s incredible), my brother’s found his, as has my Stepdad and all my Mum’s “People”. We all find a way to carry on and try not let it get us down. But it’s ok to feel the pain sometimes. It’s ok to have a bloody good cry and feel sorry for yourself and for the person going through it. It’s really important to say how you feel and get that emotion out there. It helps. There are millions of cancer sufferers all over the world and each and every one of them is having their own unique experience. It’s a comfort to know that you’re not the only one in this situation and my mum has found comfort in online cancer support groups and has actually made friends on there. However you decide to deal with your cancer or your loved one’s cancer. Know that Mum and I know EXACTLY how you feel and we hope that you find some comfort from our blog and know you are not alone. AND know that those moments of lightness and laughter are just around the corner.